Canton Connections

So, an all-natural, no-wheat graham cracker is a pretty awful thing -- just in case you were wondering. It tastes like thick, dry wallpaper paste with a little cinnamon afterwhif.

This observation comes to you all courtesy my most recent visit to the shopping sprawl that is Canton, Texas (actual explanation here). My friend, Susie, wrote a pretty great exposition of what this venue of commerce means to her -- with an example from the trip of which I speak! -- so I really should have linked you to her instead of to the official, Travel Bureau-type sites. Here's Suse's insider post.

(Pause while you all go read up. It's good stuff. No, really... Head on over. I'll wait. Oh, and if you quit while she was still on the State Fair... keep reading! It all relates.)

So, back to the cracker of death. It is a product from a new, Dallas-based company called Doctor Kracker. (That should have been my first clue! I mean, really... is this an appropriate business name?) A seemingly very nice and mild-mannered Doctor Kracker representative (pressed, tucked tropical shirt; well-groomed hands; vaguely Eastern European accent to distinguish him from the other barkers hawking homemade cookies and fried oreos) was sampling his wares at the last Canton market. We stopped, and I really liked the cheddar pumpkin seed crackers -- made from spelt and sunshine and not much else, according to Herr Docktor. They were a GOOD kind of dry-and-crunchy. Worth the inflated health-food price. I had no qualms throwin' down 3 bucks for a package of about 1.6 ounces. Susie also decided to buy a little somethin' somethin' for a snack, so we compiled a total purchase of $6. I handed the guy a 10 and a awaited the normal course of business.

...But no change was forthcoming. The accent suddenly thickened and Herr Docktor became confused. "Vhat? Vhat you need? Oh! OH! I ... I ... I have no vuns. Please. Can I geeve you des instead? $4 value! And... and take deese also. Please." Please?! GEEZ! Talk about your assumptive upselling! That was some darn pushy showmanship from the suddenly sleazy Docktor. But that is exactly how I came to own two packages of cinnamon grahams and two travel size pumpkin cheese bags along with my only intended purchase.

I ate the cheesy snack bounty, over the course of the next two weeks, with only mild distaste every time I thought of the financial wheeling & dealing that secured them. I held off on the cinnamon grahams because even I -- your basic optimist and believer in many a bald-faced marketing claim -- had a bad feeling about them. This weekend, I finally got desperate enough to crack a graham, spread some Nutella and tuck in.

Gag! Choke. Sputter. Cough. They were BAAAD, people. Not good. I mean... Baaaad.

I would have to downgrade the whole trip to "not quite successful" if it weren't for my only other Canton purchase of the month. With it I am quite pleased!

(Hmmm. Uh... Ummmh. Actually, I'm not even sure I can use a name or description, as Susie's mom is getting this thing as a gift but I don't know WHEN the gift-giving occasion commences. To be safe, I better follow the Super-Top-Secret protocol and refer to this only as "the next new thing.") I can say that it --like ET and jelly shoes and cut-out sweatshirts before it -- is oddly cool. Not stunningly attractive, I might say, but unique and new.

Now, just to tip my hat to the real niftyness of our find, I can share this: My flea-market purchase from East Texas was trend-spotted by a shopkeeper when I used it on my recent trip to Chicago. Yessiree, Bob: a real life, big city dweller recognized my cool item and swaped brand and product names with me -- me! a lowly, easy mark, push-me-around-and-give-me-cardboard-crackers-in-return kind of consumer. Just remembering this does wonders for my constitution.

I may not be a healthy eater or a bold defender of my own pocketbook, but I know a clever, soon-to-be-coveted item when I see one! I have been to the big city, my friends, and I was still cool. ;)

...Now, if only this Canton purchase can avoid becoming the next Crocs, I will keep that cool. Until the next Trade Days.