Realtors & Clarients

OK, so I TRY not to make fun of my daily callers. Really, I do. But sometimes they bring out my inner English-major demon.

My field is full of tricky sewing and design words, you see -- like alterationist! (Ah, you doubt me, but you've never heard anyone ask about "alternators" or "alternations.") Then there's "empire," "basque," "shirring" and "ruching," oh my! Sometimes, the talk of the trade just trips people up.

Today, a Texas consumer left a lengthy message complaining about the "realtor" she used to order some dresses. She was using all her longest words and most business-like tone, but she needed the word "retailer" and couldn't quite get there. It ruined her self-righteous rampage entirely.


Then, a West Coast caller asked me about purchasing ribbon in the color "clarinet." I was thinking, as a one-time, wind-instrument wielder myself, what color would that be? Black? Silver? Spit? Then, like a bolt of lightning, I realized she meant to say "CLARET," as in a reddish wine tone.

But those calls were simple deductions compared to the man from Michigan who asked to speak to my "sweat bookie." (No, he did!) I asked him to repeat himself and I heard the same thing twice. (Disclaimer: I just finished the book "Seabiscuit," so perhaps reducing and bookmaking were unusually forefront in my mind.) I finally determined he was asking for our credit manager, or "sweet bookeeper," as he was calling her.

Then there was the East Coast store who, in a rage, called my (in her judgment) inept co-workers "mis-creeps." All I could think to fill in there was "miscreants," maybe? (Powerful stuff, by the way. I'm not even sure I could define that. Was she trying to say we're all evil?) Then again, perhaps she really meant to say "mis-creeps."

Either way, vocabulary can be dangerous for the casual user. Not to be too elistist about this, but words aren't exactly one size fits all. Sometimes I laugh, but I know I've got no call to judge. Hey, I speak hick, and of all people I know the lengthy process by which each one of us must find the words that just feel right in our mouths. Sometimes, the "right" ones simply don't work. And that's why, on occasion, I like to let my inner sweat bookie out to say it loud and say it proud. I think sometimes I get things wrong... but no one's ever labeled me a mis-creep -- yet.