In the Time of the Owie

Owen got his first burn over the weekend -- a perfectly oval blister marring his otherwise perfect right pointer finger. He's just two months shy of 3 years old, so it's pretty impressive no bigger hurt has already befallen him.

He came rushing into my room saying, "Owie, owie, owie. Mommy! Look! Mommy, what is it? Owie, owie, owie..." I think my actual answer was something inane like, "I don't know. That wasn't there before."

I asked him to show me what hurt him. (Because endless bad possibilities will wrack a mother's brain. Was it a wasp and he's allergic? A chemical burn?) He led me to his room, where I had taken the shade off a lamp in order to exchange it for a smaller size. He couldn't resist the glowing 40-watt bulb, of course.

As soon as I registered what was wrong, I calmed down went for ice. As soon as he registered what was wrong, he freaked out.

I think the initial shock protected him from some of the pain. As the finger began to throb in earnest, with a hurt he had never quite felt before, Owen lost all control. He wailed. He bawled big hot tears that left tracks down his cheeks. He shook his hand as vigorously as he could and tried to slam it against anything he could find. He stamped his feet. And then he screamed. That pain simply would not go away.

Both parents got involved, pulling out all the distraction/ first aid tricks we know and managing to calm him in just a few minutes. He still tried to rub the blister off with the towel surrounding his ice pack. He still heaved every few seconds, with suppressed sobs. He snotted all over two towels. But he listened to us when we told him it's OK to feel hurt but don't feel scared, because we're sure it will get better soon.

No more than 10 minutes later, Owen and I were settled on a couch, me rubbing his feet while he licked a sour Bomb Pop.

...And then the stillness shifted. He became euphoric. I mean, literally, bouncing off the furniture happy. He giggled. He cracked jokes. He sang songs. He was the sudden court jester of Sherry Lane. Juggling was not out of the question.

This swift uptick in mood first made me downplay the whole drama that came before it. "Was that really necessary?" I thought. But then I thought about Owen's accident in terms of my adult emotions, and it all made perfect sense.

Isn't this the same way we adults react to pain? I mean real, psychic pain? As soon as we realize we hurt -- hurt in that deep, gut-punching, breath-stealing way that, once confronted, will command our complete attention -- pain is all we can feel. Perspective is out. Pain is in. Our throbbing souls get in the way of better decision making.

Flailing, shaking, aching in the middle of it, we have no idea where our pain will end.

Owen was completely overcome by an experience that he could not predict. That he could not control. That did not feel good to him. And I totally relate.

It's a compelling reason why we need a God. Because grown-ups can't exactly ask for popsicles to ease our hurts. Most of us can't live our lives with hovering mommies and daddies, ready to pull out all the stops to stop the burn.

But we do have a source of comfort. A promise that the pain will not always be all we see. In the the midst of the very worst of it, we have a Holy, sacred presence that can keep us from feeling the fire alone.

Stuck within ourselves, we can't know when and where a painful period of life will end. But we can pray. We can plead and cry, in fact. And we can listen for a reply. Because, sometimes, just hearing it will end makes all the difference.

And, amazingly, we don't have to feel "all better" to feel bracingly better. Just as Owen's pain lessened enough to let his naturally chipper self show through, we grown-up sufferers can, suddenly and floodingly, feel better. Long before all is healed, the return of a simple horizon ahead can make us a little giddy. This is a super-helpful thought for me to dwell on. Because we can all use a little more peace and perspective during our Times of Great Owie.

...Well, that and a Bomb Pop. ;)