Mind Dump, 11.29.06

I feel like I need to write today... but I'm not sure where to start or what to say.

It's strange because, I WANT to put down words that reach out to more people than myself. (I could open a Word document and start dumping if I only needed to get things out of my head.) Still, I don't know how to tell you the kinds of things I mostly say to me. (As is only proper & pragmatic, I'm sure. People aren't exactly forming a queue for this interior monologue.)

But you get what I mean? I really WANT to communicate with you. I just don't know how... right now.

Miles is outside, and I should make him come in. He's been out almost an hour. I can hear him talk to passing cars, but I can't see him where he's hanging out.

Dinner won't happen if I don't make a start of it soon.
...But who needs dinner? I could live without.

Jeremy isn't home yet.

The light is tinged with blue, the way sunshine gets when it's fading into dusk. And the leaves are all my favorite shades. It's a nice-looking time of day.

I can't even imagine what it would be like to enjoy my work calls again. Can't even make a picture come to mind.

I also can't think when my memory last matched my age, when it stood with me as something reliable and sturdy.

I don't think I make wishes anymore. I know I don't write Christmas lists. But I'm thinking maybe, this year, I should write a letter to Santa.

I believe I am going to getting better. But it'll be work. Such, such work. (Why is this true? God only knows. I'm just figuring out it's true for each of us, in every thing.) I'm guessing my thing is going to take a long time.

And, in the meantime, I am both hopeful and afraid that there's a lot to come out....