Tepee, anyone?

7:35 a.m.
Oh, the joys of a home approaching retirement age! I have no toilets.

Well, I have two, but I am forbidden to use them until a professional diagnoses their "issue" and returns their functions to normal. (About 18 months ago, we had to have tree root balls cut out of the pipes. I suspect they have regrown.)

I also have a tub full of residue and muck due to the toilet drainage lines backing up.

Last night, I actually went out in a rainstorm -- nay, a MONSOON -- to use the ladies room at a fast food restaurant. (Should I have bought fries with that? I was wracked with guilt, but I made no purchase.) And that wasn't even the most deperate thing I did under cover of darkness. Can anyone say, "campsite latrine?"

Listen, if this were 300 years ago and we were all Indians in the Piney Woods, no one would be bothered by my toilet au naturale. Noting everything that's gone wrong/could easily go wrong with this old house, I'm about ready to revert to native living! Just get a tepee and call it good.

Now, the plumber for whom I woke up an hour early is 40 minutes late. This did not happen to the Alabama-Coushatta Indians. Nope, not at all.

More later....

10:25 a.m.
I am now awaiting Plumber No. 2. Plumber No. 1 had more issues than the unflushable bowls.

#1. His elderly father is hospitalized and combative about having an IV installed. ("They just wanted to hang a bag on 'em; gotta recharge his electrolytres, you know. You're not a nurse or anything, are ya?").
#2. He has much bigger plumbing problems in line for the afternoon. ("I've got so many houses that are so backed up...")
#3. Finally, my "cleanout" is evidently not obvious enough. ( "I tell you what, I've been meanin' to get a metal detector.")

The toilet ban continues, and I grow more and more disgruntled....


3:30 p.m.
Flushing resumed 10 minutes ago.... Hallelujah! Guess I would have made a sorry Indian, after all, because I really am dependent on the technology that makes waste so magically disappear. We are BACK in the 21st Century, baby, and I'm diggin' it! Now, for my first shower of the day.

Hmm....

Observing the scum line three inches up the tub, maybe that one modern convenience can wait. BUT WE CAN FLUSH! (Voice raised in exaltation!) And flushing, dear friends, is fabbbb-ulous!